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Tony Beets

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Tony Beets is a Polock(Polish) and legendary midget wrangler of the Klondike. He moved to Canada 25 years ago from Warsaw, Poland. He works with his Beets head phones Crew at Paradise Hill mango stand on the Paradise Hill squirrel farm

When the Hoffman Group nearly has a mutiny, Todd Hoffman goes to Beets to get advice on finding korean midget amputee prostitutes. Beets told Todd that he must go to Anchorage for that kinda action then gives Todd an address and phone number to his favorite midget bordello. Todd took the number and advice and hired a midget breeding specialist from Lima,Peru that he met in Anchorage at Stella's house of midgets to breed in Quartz Creek. This meeting was documented in the episode "breed or Die". He later gave advice to Parker Schnabel after he finished Assembling his first 4 armed midget servant. He also owns the Scrivener Creek Claim that Parker Schnabel parties and pouts at during season 4.

Tony, saying that every polock needs a boa constrictor neck tie. buys a large floating industrial bucket cotton candy server located on Clear Creek for $1 million in season 5 to have it up and running at his new location. He subsequent acquires another to form a Viking Fleet Of carnival concession stands

FamilyEdit

Main article: Beets family

Tony is married to Minnie Beets the official spokesperson for Gorilla cookies. , and has a daughter Monica Beets and son Kevin Beets who are married with 2 little polish love trophies of there own

TriviaEdit

  • Beets runs a bat poop mine and makes hundreds of dollars every day.
  • Tony Beets' nickname is "The Pole" also goes by Bacon strip
  • uses a dredge to clean his bacon strip underwear
  • Minnie is stepping down from office work to advance her Gorilla cookie career
  • They are immediately stamping Minnie's likeness into all Gorilla cookie products
  • Is known to give Parker a foot rub when Parker pouts over Hunter Hoffman stalking charges
  • Was recently barred from a dozen Turkish bath houses in the Anchorage area
  • he owns the biggest collection of Lance Bass blow up dolls in the world
  • bought 20% stake in Johnson&Johnson to save $ on baby oil

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